If Deeks was given the choice between ‘desert’ and ‘dessert’, he’d probably pick the one with the extra ‘s’. We learned this not long after he joined the team when a crime scene happened to be in a more rugged setting than usual.
Deeks: Uh, listen, uh, can we…? Hold on a second here, guys. Here’s the thing. I’m more of a city mouse, yeah? So maybe we should send the former Navy SEAL out into the desert with Kensi, yeah?
Sam: It’ll be good experience for you, Deeks.
Deeks: Right, yeah. No. And I’m all for good experiences. If you’ve noticed this or not, but I’ve kind of got this ivory complexion? Kind of fair-skinned, tend to…tend to burn kind of easily. Whereas, you know, Sam here… well, Sam…well, I’m just saying that, you know, Sam is clearly better suited for a tropical climate.
Sam: Do tell.
Deeks: Well, I mean, for starters, you got the whole bald head thing going on, which is… which is awesome. And it’s got to be better for… for, you know, heat exchange. Um, and I don’t want to have to overstate the obvious here, but you are African-American. Yeah? And Africa is hot.
Sam: I’m from Brooklyn, Huckleberry.
Kensi: And we’re good. We will call you guys if we find anything.
Deeks: I just meant ’cause I’m…
Kensi: No, you are done.
[2×03 ‘Borderline’; picture from @Richtsje]
He did survive that trip, with a healthy dose of whining. Even though Kensi might have thought (possibly more than once) about leaving him out there, she did remember his…sensitivity…when she made earthquake survival kits.
Deeks: Uh, SPF 70 sunblock, ChapStick and a sea-foam green Slanket? Really? What’re – what’re…What are you trying to say here?
Kensi: Come on. Everyone knows you’re a little… delicate.
Deeks: Not delicate. I’m sensitive. And my lips get chapped because we live in a desert.
[2×20 ‘The Job’]
Then there was the time when Deeks and Kensi were sent to follow the tracks of a fleeing murder suspect in the Mexican desert accompanied by local officers. Deeks was not enthused by the idea of tramping through yet another desolate stretch of sand that was not running beside an ocean or sprinkled with food trucks.
Deeks: Okay, you know I don’t do well over a hundred degrees. I get xerosis.
Callen: Deeks, that sounds like an STD.
Deeks: No, no, not an STD. It’s dry and scaly skin.
Kensi: Like a lizard.
Sam: Lizards love the desert.
Deeks: [to Mexican officer] You don’t have any sunscreen, do you? Preferably something with like, a moisturizer, hypoallergenic?
But the partners headed out despite Deeks’ protests, but his inclination to distrust the desert kicked in when their escort was no longer escorting them.
Deeks: Well my cop instincts are definitely kicking in.
Kensi: Yeah! What are they telling you?
Deeks: Something isn’t right. Wait a second. Why have they stopped following us? Is it because of the wolves? Yeah! Are there wolves our here? Awesome! Heard of the Chupacabra?
Deeks: Body of a bear. Spine of a stegosaurus, claws of an eagle. Lives in the desert and eats tourists.
Kensi: You are Shaggy from Scooby Doo.
Deeks: No. No. They call this the Devil’s Pass. This area is so dangerous, the Mexican Police don’t even come here.
As a side note, Shaggy agrees, the desert IS a dangerous place. Chupacabra? Devil’s Pass?
Best to head home. Quickly.
Kensi: Okay! This area, Deeks, is the United States of America.
Deeks: What? We’re in America?
Kensi: Yes. That’s why they stopped following us. The border is right back there.
Deeks: Well that’s fantastic news. Whoa! It’s a wild boar.
Kensi: I think it’s a feral pig.
Deeks: No. Don’t look at it directly. Show submission. Just walk away very cool. What the hell? Whoa!
Kensi: It’s following you.
Deeks: What does it want?
Kensi: I think she’s in love with you.
Deeks: Oh well of course she is. Because she has fantastic tastes.
Deeks: Here pretty girl. What’s your name? Do you come to the desert often? Oh you do.
[3×08 ‘Greed’; pictures from @Vicki]
The city mouse lived to return to his home once again, and as an added bonus on that trip, he got to make a new friend.
Later we learned that Deeks’ disdain of nature is not limited to the sandy desert. He has a dislike of nature in general.
Sam: What’s the problem, Deeks?
Deeks: Crime scene’s out in the middle of the woods. You know how I feel about the woods.
Deeks: Nothing good happens this deep in the woods. Out here, it’s nothing but banjo-playing rednecks and mass murderers in hockey masks.
[4×15 ‘History’; picture from @Bee]
But, on the other hand, we know he’s used to the sand because he grew up next to the beach.
Deeks: I’m from L.A… I grew up in sandals.
[3×02 ‘Cyber Threat’]
And unlike his partner, earthquakes really don’t bother him.
Deeks: You forget I’m from Californ-I-A. We don’t get out of bed for anything less than a 6.
[2×20 ‘The Job’]
On top of that, he chooses to take a vacation in…wait for it…the desert of all places.
Deeks: This – oh, this is my favorite. Look at that. This is me riding through the sand dunes. You can’t tell that’s me, but I’m the driver. Look how much air I’m getting in this photo.
Sam: That you on a camel, Deeks?
Sam: Ha! Look like Lawrence of Arabia.
Deeks: Right?! That’s what I said!
[4×02 ‘Recruit’; picture from @Richtsje]
So, the question is, does Deeks really not like the desert? Or does he prefer it on his own terms, such as on top of a camel or hanging out on a towel with civilization a short walk away?
Nevertheless, he’s definitely not Granger’s first choice to send into rural territory.
[5×14 ‘War Cries’; picture from @Bee]
Not long after that, Granger, unfortunately for him, kind of had to eat his words considering Deeks literally flew in to save him and the rest of the team in the back country of Afghanistan.
Maybe Deeks in the desert isn’t so bad.